Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet
by Vinsmouse
Summary: After Lulu's kidnapping, Boss promised to make things up to her. When she tells him what she wants, will he keep his promise? Crossover with Designing Women
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard, or Designing Women, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: None

Rating: FRC

A/N: Designing Women was set in Atlanta and centered around the Sugarbaker Design Firm, an interior decorating house. It starred Dixie Carter as Julia Sugarbaker, head of the firm; Delta Burke as Suzanne Sugarbaker, her sister, often married, always to rich men, former beauty queen. She was in charge of sales; Annie Potts as Mary Jo Shively, a divorced mother of two who takes care of the designs and Jean Smart as Charlene Frazier, office manager. The four women pooled their resources, each of them an equal partner in the firm. They are helped by their delivery man, Anthony Bouvier, a wrongfully imprisoned ex-con played by Meeshach Taylor.

After Lulu's kidnapping, Boss promised to make it up to her. When Lulu tells him what she wants, will he live up to his promise? Takes place after the 6th season episode Lulu's Gone Away

Crossover with Designing Women

Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet

Chapter 1

Lulu Hogg was bored, something she wasn't used to at all. Normally she was quite busy, flitting from one social club to another. She was no less busy when at home. It took a lot of time to keep a man like J.D. Hogg fed and happy, not to mention the day to day housework. Since her kidnapping, she was finding it difficult to be content with her life. Oh she'd heard them talking, those awful people, about her boring life. Lulu had never really thought of her life as boring and stale. She'd taken comfort in the predictability of her life, but now she saw how wrong she had been. She needed change, but what could she do? It wasn't as though Hazzard offered a great deal of challenges, especially for a woman. Add to that, her status as the wife of J.D. Hogg and she was, in some ways, even more limited. Emma Tisdale could work as post mistress, and ride that motorcycle of her's, but not Lulu. Oh my no, it would never do for somebody like her to be seen doing something so out of the ordinary. Heaving a heartfelt sigh, she sat down on the sofa and picked up her new ladies magazine. Idly flipping through the pages, she wasn't really paying attention to the articles, as bored with this as she was everything else.

A splash of color caught her eye as she quickly flipped the pages. As she read the article, twice over to be sure she had understood it correctly, a smile spread over her face. Excitedly she pushed herself to her feet, hurrying to the hall table for her hat and purse. Settling her hat on her head, she picked up her handbag and rushed out the door.

J.D. Hogg looked up as the door of his office was flung open. The reprimand died on his lips when he saw his wife coming through the door, the light that had been missing, once again flashing in her eyes. "Lulu, sugarplum, what brings you down here?"

"J.D. honey did you mean what you said?"

"What I said?" Boss was confused. "I'm sorry buttercup, I don't know what you mean."

"When those awful people kidnapped me," she reminded him.

"Of course I meant it sugarplum," he quickly confirmed.

"Oh good, because I've found a way for you to make up for your behavior," she happily informed him.

Boss leaned back in his chair, bringing a fat cigar to his mouth, "Oh?"

"I found this wonderful article in my ladies magazine."

"That's nice, what was it about?" he asked, even as he was wondering how much this article was going to cost him.

"It was about interior decorating..."

"Absolutely not," Boss cut her off.

"But J.D. you said you wanted to make it up to me."

"I know sugarplum, but do you know how much that can cost? Besides, I'm very happy with the way our house looks, why do you want to change it?"

Lulu glared at him, her hands planted firmly on her ample hips. "J.D. Hogg, did you or did you not say that I was worth more to you than all the gold in Fort Knox?"

"Well yes buttercup I did, but..."

"And didn't you say you wanted to make up to me for your deplorable behavior?"

"Well yes, but cupcake isn't there a cheaper way for me to make it up to you?" he plead. J.D. gulped under her intense glare, certain that if she stared any harder he would burst into flames. "I mean, isn't there something else you'd rather do? Maybe you could," he stumbled, grasping for some idea that wouldn't cost him so much. "I know, I heard there's a fine cooking school in Atlanta, wouldn't you like to learn some fancy cooking?"

"J.D. Hogg, are you suggesting that my cooking needs to improve?" she demanded.

Boss swallowed, instantly seeing his mistake. "No surgarplum, of course not. You know I adore your cooking, I just thought maybe you'd like to learn some of that fancy stuff."

"I want to redecorate our home J.D.," she insisted, "and I know from the article there are interior decorators as close as Atlanta."

"You know buttercup, Atlanta hasn't been the same since Sherman's march," he began his pitch, "you don't know what kind of crazy ideas you'll hear." If he was going to have to pay for this, he was determined to get away as cheaply as possible. "Wouldn't you be more comfortable decorating our home yourself?"

"No J.D. I wouldn't," she firmly replied. "Why I wouldn't know the first thing about decorating a home," she innocently protested. She was well aware of what her husband was doing and she wasn't going to let him get away with it.

J.D. knew when he'd been beaten, "Alright my love I'll get you a list of decorators," he offered.

"No need to J.D., I'm sure I can find my own decorators," quickly refusing his offer. J.D. might think her to be a simple housewife, but she wasn't nearly as clueless as he often imagined her to be. She was well aware of what he was doing and had no intentions of letting him get away with it. "Don't you worry J.D., I'll keep the cost reasonable," she assured him as she hastily made her exit.

"Keep the cost reasonable," he groaned, knowing her definition of reasonable was much different from his.

"Hey Boss I just saw Lulu, she sure seemed awful happy," Rosco commented as he entered the office.

"Happy?" Boss growled. "Of course she's happy. What woman isn't when she's spending her husband's hard earned money."

"Ooooh, what did Lulu buy?" Rosco squealed like a little boy.

"She hasn't bought anything yet, but she's going to."

"Well what's she going to buy?"

"She's going to..." Boss bit off what he'd been about to say, his eyes narrowing at his brother-in-law. "Rosco," he snapped, "that's none of your business."

"Well now Boss, that's not strictly true. She is my sister after all," Rosco pointed out.

"That may be, but she's my wife and I'm not in the habit of discussing my fianances with underlings," Boss snapped. "What did you come in here for anyway?"

Rosco fidgeted uncomfortably, nervously twirling his hat in his hands. "I just came in to tell you that Jesse Duke snookered us."

"Snookered us? Snookered you, ya mean," Boss sneered.

"Um, yeah. The thing is Boss, he got his mortagage payment to the bank on time." Cringing, he waited for the explosion he knew was coming.

"Rosco can't you do anything right?" Boss roared.

"It wasn't my fault Boss," he protested.

"Of course not, it never is. How did he snooker you?"

"Well, um, I did just like ya said Boss. I had a safety checkpoint set up and when him and the boys came along in that orange clunker of theirs I stopped them. I checked everything I could think of, they were real cooperative. I kept them there until after three o'clock, just like you said."

"Rosco! If you kept them there until after three, how did Jesse make the payment on time?"

"Daisy," Rosco quietly replied. "She went a different route and took the payment to the bank while..."

"You and that dipstick deputy was busy with Jesse and them nephews of his," Boss finished for him.

"Yeah," Rosco confirmed, hanging his head lower.

Boss growled under his breath, his earlier good mood long gone thanks to his wife and brother-in-law.

"Boss?"

"What?"

"What did ya want me to do?"

"Find a brain," he snapped. "How so ever, there not being much chance of that, do ya think you could handle manning the speed trap on route 7?"

Rosco flinched, it always bothered him when Boss said things like that. "Yeah, I guess I can," he sullenly answered.

"Well then what are ya standing here for?"

Jamming his hat on his head, Rosco turned and left, mumbling under his breath as he wondered again why he had decided to turn crooked. Surely living on beans and taters wouldn't have been so bad, it dang sure couldn't be worse than this.

Atlanta: Sugarbaker's Design Firm.

"I am so glad that job is over with," Mary Jo sighed, sinking into the comfortable couch in their office.

"Me too," Charlene quickly agreed.

"What I want to know," Mary Jo began, sitting up straighter, "is who had the bright idea to offer two rooms for the price of one?"

Suzanne slapped the magazine she'd been reading down on the coffee table, "Oh you all just think it's so easy to drum up business for this place, don't you? Well let me tell you, it's not. I have to tolerate odious people who want a tastefully decorated home at Wal-mart prices every day. All of these magazines with helpful advice on decorating your home don't help either. Why every Suzy homemaker out there thinks she can decorate her own home, so why should she pay us? I have to come up with all sorts of little things to convince them to hire us and sometimes that means making them special offers."

"Yes Suzanne, we understand that," her older sister Julia drawled. "The problem is that we cannot afford to offer special deals of that nature. It's simply too costly," she added as she flipped through the mail. As the phone rang, she stepped away from the desk in order to continue the conversation.

"Sugarbaker's," Charlene brightly greeted the caller, "How may I help you?"

"Which is why I believe that you, Suzanne, need a refresher course in interior design and the costs involved."

"What do you mean a refresher course?" Suzanne pouted.

"I mean, sister dear, you are going to help us on our next job. Maybe after you see the amount of work involved and the cost of the materials and furnishings, you'll have a better understanding of why you must be careful with the deals you offer."

"Now Julia, you know I'm not any good at the things you all do," Suzanne protested.

"Don't you worry about that Suzanne, we'll help you," Julia smirked.

"Fine," Suzanne huffed. "I do my best for this firm, for all of you, and this is the thanks I get. I swear, some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed," she complained.

Mary Jo glanced at their delivery man, Anthony, quickly looking away as the look in his eye had her fighting back the urge to laugh. Ducking her head, she worked to get herself under control, knowing that it would only make Suzanne angrier if she let go with the laughter that was bubbling up inside. Thankfully just then Charlene hung up the phone, leaning back in her chair, shaking with laughter.

Julia turned back to the desk, eyeing the stout, attractive blonde, "What in the world?" Charlene didn't answer for a few minutes, leaving Julia further exasperated. "Charlene, what is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry Julia," Charlene apologized, wiping at her eyes. "We have a new job y'all, an entire house this time," she smiled, knowing this would make them all happy. Well, maybe not Suzanne, but even she would be happy when she realized what they stood to make.

"That's wonderful news Charlene, but I fail to see the humor," Julia smiled.

"Well the job isn't funny of course," Charlene conceded. "The name of the client is though," she grinned.

"Alright, I'll bite," Mary Jo called out, knowing that's what Charlene wanted. "What's the name of the client?"

"I'm glad you asked Mary Jo," Charlene replied. "She lives in a little town called Hazzard, it's a couple of hours south of Atlanta. She seems like a very nice lady, apparently her husband is letting her redecorate the house to lift her spirits after she was recently kidnapped. You know this little town sounds like a really interesting place y'all, very colorful."

"Oh wonderful," Suzanne snipped. "Is this another one of those hillbilly places? Are we going to have to fight off advances from another Pappy and his clan of inbred sons?"

"No Suzanne it isn't, and we aren't," Charlene replied with a roll of her eyes.

"Charlene," Julia snapped, getting her attention. "What is her name?"

"Oh, sorry," Charlene mumbled. "Her name is Lulu Hogg," she grinned, trying to contain another chuckle.

"Oh my," Julia smiled, covering her mouth as she choked back her own laughter.

"That's terrible," Mary Jo chortled, quickly losing control of her own laughter.

Julia took a deep breath a few minutes later, struggling to get herself under control. "Now we can't be laughing like this every time we hear her name," she soberly pointed out.

"You're right Julia," Mary Jo agreed, "but it's just so funny."

"Yes well," Julia retorted, smoothing her dress, "we still have to control ourselves. After all we're businesswomen, not a gaggle of housewives with nothing better to do than sit around watching Donahue and gossiping about our neighbors." Sitting down at her desk, she flipped open her appointment book, "Now Charlene, when are we to meet with Mrs. Hogg?"

"We're going to Hazzard in three days to meet her and take a tour of her home."

Julia nodded, "That should give us enough time to come up with some basic ideas. Did she say how large her home is or what style?"

"She said it's a four bedroom home and it was built around 1920, though it's been thoroughly modernized of course."

"Mary Jo could you come up with some designs in three days? Nothing too detailed, just a little something to show her and build from."

"Sure, no problem."

"Good, now I think we all deserve a little break so I believe we should close up early and go home."

"Sounds good to me, the kids have been after me to take them to a movie. I think tonight would be a good night for it," Mary Jo smiled.

"Mind if I tag along Mary Jo?" Charlene asked, grabbing her own jacket.

"You know you're always welcome Charlene," Mary Jo smiled.

"Well," Suzanne stretched when it was just her and Julia, "I think I'll just go home and have Consuela give me a massage."

"You do that Suzanne," Julia smiled. "After all we want you to be at your best when we go to Hazzard."

TBC

Hope y'all liked the first chapter. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard or Designing Women,not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: None

Rating: FRC

Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet

Chapter 2

Julia sighed as they entered the small town of Hazzard, never in her life had a simple two hour trip lasted so long. Just when she thought the others had decided to behave like rational adults, they would begin another round of speculation about the appearance of their new client. "I have had enough of this," she declared, as she pulled the car to the side of the road. "You all are supposed to be adults and here you are acting like unruly children. I'm not terribly surprised by Suzanne, but I am very disappointed in you Mary Jo and Charlene."

"What do you mean you're not surprised by Suzanne?" Suzanne demanded, her eyes flashing indignantly.

Julia sighed again, "What do you suppose I mean Suzanne?" she snapped. "Now we will be at Mrs. Hogg's home in a few minutes and you had all better have this out of your system," she firmly ordered.

"Yes Julia," Charlene and Mary Jo meekly responded.

"Really Julia, you don't have to correct us like that. Just because we're having a little fun during the drive doesn't mean we don't know how to conduct ourselves. Why you act as though you're the only one in this car with any manners or sense at all," Suzanne huffed.

Julia didn't bother to respond to that. Instead, she simply pulled back onto the road and headed for the Hogg home, carefully following the directions Mrs. Hogg had provided. Parking in front of the large home, she slid from behind the wheel. Leading the way, she walked up the path to the front door and rang the bell. Smiling graciously at the rotund woman who answered the door, Julia introduced herself and requested to see Mrs. J.D. Hogg.

"It's so nice to meet you Mrs. Sugarbaker, I'm Mrs. Hogg," Lulu smiled warmly. "Oh my," she exclaimed as Julia began to cough, "Are you alright dear?"

Julia nodded, too choked up to reply. Her faced reddened with embarrassment as her efforts to swallow her laughter at the woman's appearance had sent her into a coughing fit. Hearing quiet snickers behind her, she turned to glare at her partners. This was all their fault anyway, if they hadn't been going on and on about Lulu Hogg's name, wondering if she was a Hogg by appearance as well as name, if perhaps her first name would fit her appearance too, then she wouldn't have been struck by the urge to laugh.

"Please won't you all come inside," Lulu offered, standing aside so they could step into the entryway. She led them into the parlor, "If you'll have a seat, I'll be right out with some tea."

The moment Lulu was out of the room, Suzanne gave in to the temptation she'd been fighting since the front door had opened. "Really Julia, I can't believe you were warning us about bad manners."

Julia's mouth fell open, just as quickly she clamped her jaws shut and took a deep breath. "I wouldn't have reacted like that if you all hadn't been going on like you were."

"Oh, so you're saying it's our fault?" Suzanne asked.

"Yes Suzanne, that is exactly what I'm saying," Julia hissed quietly as she could hear Mrs. Hogg returning.

"How very grown up of you," Suzanne purred. Turning to their hostess, she let a dazzling smile cross her face, "You have a lovely home Mrs. Hogg."

"Thank you dear," Lulu responded as she poured tea into the cups, handing each to one of the ladies as she filled it. "Sugar, cream, lemon?" she asked, giving each what she asked for.

"My sister is right, your home is beautiful. If I may ask, who was your previous decorator?"

Lulu blushed to the roots of her hair, "Thank you, I never had a decorator before. My husband would ordinarily consider this to be too expensive."

"I see," Julia murmured, making a mental note to keep cost down in order to minimize any arguments with the husband.

"This must be a gift for a special occassion then," Charlene smiled. "That is so sweet," she added, the gesture touching her romantic heart.

"Something of that sort," Lulu agreed.

"How many rooms will we be decorating Mrs. Hogg?" Mary Jo asked, glancing around the room as designs began to fly through her mind.

"Please call me Lulu," she offered pleasantly. "J.D., that's my husband, he isn't terribly fond of the idea of redecorating, so I thought I'd confine myself to the public rooms only. The parlor, the living room, kitchen and dining room," she quickly ran off the list.

Before Julia could think of a polite way to point out the expense, Charlene, bless her heart, took care of it in her usual guileless manner.

"Oh my, I hope your husband won't object to the expense," she worried.

"Thank you dear, but I've already discussed this at length with J.D., he won't object," Lulu firmly asserted.

"Well then," Julia quickly took charge, "have you given any thought to what you'd like?"

They spent the rest of the afternoon discussing color schemes and furniture styles, none of them having realized how much time had passed until the front door opened. "Oh J.D.," Lulu cried out, "I'm sorry pumpkin, I haven't even begun dinner."

"Mmmmhmmm," J.D. responded, as he glanced at the sketches and fabric samples he saw littering the room. "It looks like you ladies have been mighty busy," he commented aloud, silently adding, spending my money.

"Oh my, where are my manners," Lulu admonished herself. "J.D., these are the ladies from the Sugarbaker Design Firm. Ms. Julia Sugarbaker, Suzanne Sugarbaker, Mary Jo Shively and Charlene Fraizer, ladies this is my husband J.D. Hogg."

"Ladies," Boss acknowledged, what passed for a pleasant smile plastered on his face.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Hogg," Julia spoke for them all. "Since we are to blame for the lack of dinner on your table, I insist you allow us to treat you and Mrs. Hogg to an evening out," she smoothly added. It would be well worth the expense, if it kept him from complaining and perhaps rescinding his offer to allow his wife to redecorate.

"Well, well, well, that would be most kind of you ladies," J.D. smiled.

"Oh I couldn't let you do that Julia," Lulu protested. "Why I can whip up something right here."

"Nonsense Lulu, I insist."

"If you're quite sure," Lulu reluctantly accepted. "But I insist you join us, I won't take no for an answer," she added as Julia began to protest. "You have a long drive back to Atlanta, you shouldn't begin it on an empty stomach."

"I suppose you're right Lulu," Julia conceded. "Where would you recommend?"

"What about Facci's?" Lulu directed her question to J.D..

Boss smiled, "That's a lovely idea buttercup, you ladies can follow us."

"That sounds fine," Julia agreed. "Facci's is an Italian restaurant?" she asked.

"Yes it is, they have wonderful food," Lulu replied.

"We're looking forward to it," Julia smiled.

A short time later the six of them were seated at a table in Facci's, perusing the menu as they made small talk. By the time the waiter returned with their drink order, they were ready to order. Julia dropped her eyes to the table, hiding her shock at the amount of food Mr. Hogg was ordering. Surely the man couldn't really eat so much, he must be taking advantage of her offer to buy them dinner. Glancing up, she was halfway expecting Lulu to be giving her husband a reproachful glare, having gathered in the course of the afternoon that she was an honest woman. Julia was surprised again to see that Lulu wasn't batting an eye at the amount of food her husband was ordering, leading her to wonder if perhaps this was a normal amount of food for him.

"How long do you ladies expect this decorating to take?" J.D. asked as the waiter walked away.

"Well that depends on exactly what Lulu wants to do, it could be only a few days or it could take a few months," Mary Jo answered.

"A few months?" J.D. sputtered. "I had no idea it would take that long," he commented with a frown. "It could get quite expensive, couldn't it?"

"J.D.," Lulu snapped.

"But cupcake..."

"Don't you cupcake me J.D. Hogg, you promised and you're not backing out of it."

"But Lulu dear the expense..."

"Jefferson Davis Hogg did you mean what you said to me at that theme park or did you not?"

J.D. cowered, "I meant it."

"Then I don't want to hear anymore of this," she firmly ordered. "I think we've embarrassed these fine ladies enough for one evening , perhaps we could find something more pleasant to discuss."

The ladies in question glanced at each other, each of them trying to come up with something to say to break the awkward moment. Finally Charlene ended it, "This is a lovely town Lulu, it reminds me of where I grew up."

"Oh no, not another hillbilly story," Suzanne mumbled.

"Where was that dear?" Lulu asked, ignoring the quiet comment from the younger Sugarbaker.

"Popular Bluff, Arkansas," Charlene replied. "Have you lived here all your life Lulu?"

"Yes I have, I don't know how you ladies can stand living in a big city like Atalanta."

"Oh it's not so bad once you get used to it, though when I first moved there I did spend a lot of time gawking," Charlene admitted with a giggle.

Lulu smiled, "I reacted the same way the first time papa took me to Atlanta, it was quite a shock to a small town girl."

"What about you Mr. Hogg, have you lived here all your life?"

"The Hoggs founded Hazzard," he replied, as always inflating the contribution of his family to the area, conviently forgetting about the Duke family.

"That's wonderful, how long ago was that?"

J.D. puffed himself up and began to explain about the founding of Hazzard back in the 1800's, taking the lion's share of the credit onto his own family of course. Just as Lulu gently kicked his ankle under the table, their food arrived, interrupting the conversation.

After dessert, Julia picked up the check, "This has been a pleasant evening Lulu and I promise that next time we won't keep you so late."

"That's quite alright dear," Lulu graciously accepted the apology. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

"No, it will probably be a few days before we get back. Mary Jo will want to make some more detailed sketches and we'll want to have some idea of the furnishings we'll recommend. All of this, of course, will take a few days. Hopefully when we return we'll have enough information for you, so that we can begin to work in ernest."

"That would be wonderful and if I have any ideas in the meantime, I can call you?"

"Of course," Julia readily agreed, "and we'll call you when we're ready to come back." Standing up, she moved towards the cashier, leaving the others to make their own good-byes.

TBC

Hope y'all liked it. Please review, the muse is hungry.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard or Designing Women, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: None

Rating: FRC

Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet

Chapter 3

They were returning to Hazzard with the first load of furniture that had been selected for the Hogg home. Julia hoped they would be able to hire somebody in Hazzard to help with the unloading. If she hadn't seen it all with her own eyes, she still wouldn't believe what had happened only a few, short hours ago.

"Now Anthony are you sure these men are reliable?" Suzanne asked again, doubtfully eyeing the two men in question.

Anthony just shrugged off the not so subtle questioning, by now he was used to Suzanne's ways. "Yes Suzanne, I'm sure," he answered her simply.

"Suzanne, could you help me over here?" Julia called her sister away from her dubious supervision of the young men Anthony had hired to help them move the furniture.

Suzanne huffed an exasperated breath before marching over to her sister's side. "What is it Julia? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"Yes Suzanne I do see," Julia calmly replied. "I need you to help Mary Jo and Charlene though, with the tapestries and pillows."

"Surely they can handle that by themselves," Suzanne protested.

"Yes, but will they know the best way to handle such delicate materials?" Julia asked. Silently, she apologized to their other two partners, however, she knew they were used to Suzanne and wouldn't be ran off by her interference.

Suzanne placed her hands on her hips and then her finger was wagging in Julia's face. "I know what you're up to Julia Sugarbaker and I'm not falling for it. Somebody needs to supervise those men, Anthony probably met them in prison and I for one don't intend to trust them with such expensive items." Suzanne baldly stated her concerns, making no attempt to keep her voice down.

The immediate outcome of Suzanne's little speech had come as no surprise to Julia. Without a word, the two men in question had dropped the sofa they were currently loading and walked off. Unfortunately one of the sofa legs had landed on Anthony's foot. Shoving the sofa away, he had begun to hop around, only to lose his balance and fall from the sidewalk. Instinctively, he had put out his hands to catch himself. Julia and Suzanne easily heard the snap as Anthony's wrist broke, bringing a wince of sympathy from each of the women. Aggravated beyond reason with her sister, Julia had ordered Suzanne to take Anthony to the hospital and to stay with him until he was released. As they had helped Anthony into Suzanne's car, Julia had been reading her sister the riot act. With a muttered apology to Anthony, she had shut the door and watched them drive away.

Turning back to the house, she sighed heavily, wondering how they were going to get the furniture loaded now. Glancing at her watch, she knew that although it was only one in the afternoon, it would be entirely too late to find any movers now. Luckily some young men who lived in the neighborhood saw her plight and graciously offered their help. Now here they were, nearly to Hazzard and all Julia could hope was that she would be able to hire some local boys. She loved her sister, she really did, but sometimes she could very cheerfully shake the younger woman until she gained some sense.

"I've got you Dukes now," Rosco chortled as he came up to the spot where the two boys sat fishing.

"Whatever it is Rosco, we didn't do it," Bo immediately proclaimed their innocence, though he knew it would do no good.

"Don't you give me that Bo Duke, I know you did it. On your feet now boys," he ordered as he drew out his handcuffs.

Luke glanced at Bo, motioning with his eyes as he stood up. "Sure Rosco, whatever you say."

"It okay if we get our poles?" Bo asked, reaching for the poles as he spoke.

"You hold it right there Bo, I ain't letting you use them poles as weapons."

"Weapons? Would I do that to you Rosco?" Bo asked, his eyes wide with shock. "I tell ya what, if you're worried about it why don't you take them," he suggested, shoving the poles into Rosco's hands. As he did, Luke tipped Rosco's hat forward, blocking his sight and spinning him a couple of times. By the time Luke let go of Rosco, Bo was already moving towards the General. Sliding over the hood, he quickly got behind the wheel, barely letting Luke get in the window before taking off. "Any idea what that was about?"

"Beats me cousin," Luke shrugged. "Guess we'll find out eventually, right now I think we should head into town and see what we can find out."

With a wide grin, Bo stepped down harder on the gas. "You got it cuz," he eagerly agreed. Luke's plan to snoop around town had to be put on hold. No sooner had they started through town when Lulu Hogg flagged them down as she stood next to a small moving van. Bo smoothly pulled the car to the curb and pulled himself up to sit on the doorframe, his cousin doing the same.

"Hello Ms. Lulu, aren't you looking pretty today," Luke smoothly greeted.

Lulu blushed, enjoying the slightly flirtatious compliment, in spite of knowing Luke was only being polite. "Thank you Luke. How are you boys today?"

"Oh we're fine, just came from fishing."

"Everything okay Ms. Lulu?" Bo asked, since her kidnapping he'd been a little extra solicitous of her feelings and safety.

"Mostly, but I could use your help boys," she admitted. "These ladies, oh I'm sorry," she blushed, embarrassed to have forgotten introductions. "Ms. Julia Sugarbaker, Ms. Mary Jo Shively and Ms. Charlene Frazier, allow me to introduce Bo and Luke Duke. Boys, this is Ms. Sugarbaker, Ms. Shively and Ms. Frazier, they're helping me with some redecorating." After everybody said hello, Lulu got back to the reason she had flagged the boys down. "They've ran into a little problem; the men who were supposed to help with moving this furniture and hauling off the old things aren't here..."

"We'd be glad to help, wouldn't we Luke?" Bo interrupted.

"Sure we would," Luke quickly agreed.

"Thank you boys, I knew I could count on you," Lulu smiled.

"What would you like us to do first?" Luke asked.

"I think," Julia began, "it would be best to move the old things out first, don't you?"

"Sounds good to me, just show us what to move out." It wasn't long before the boys were busy, hauling out the pieces Lulu was having replaced. Though it didn't seem that any of the city women were much for flirting, they were nice enough, not getting angry at the boys for it. The Dukes worked steadily, finally carrying the final piece outside.

"Freeze!" Rosco yelled, his gun drawn. "I've really got you boys now," he chortled.

"Rosco!" Bo snapped, almost dropping the curio shelf on his foot. "What are you doing?"

"Arresting a couple of no good lawbreakers, namely you and Luke."

"Arresting us? For what?" Luke demanded.

"Breaking and entering, for starters and grand theft furniture. Now you boys put that thing down and come along peacefully," he ordered.

"I don't think you want to do that Rosco," Bo told him, a grin spreading over his face as Lulu appeared on the steps behind Rosco.

"Don't you threaten me Bo Duke," he growled, waving his gun.

"Rosco P. Coltrane, what on earth are you doing?" Lulu demanded.

"Now don't you worry Lulu, I caught 'em before they could make off with your furniture."

Lulu sighed, "Rosco, they're not stealing my furniture."

"They're not?" Rosco asked, scratching his head in confusion. "But I seen 'em..."

"Moving some old furniture for me," Lulu interrupted.

"They are?"

"Yes Rosco they are. You're not going to take my helpers away to jail are you? I suppose JD won't mind too much if I have to hire some professional movers," she continued innocently.

Rosco swallowed, knowing full well what Boss' reaction would be if he cost him money. "You won't have to do that Lulu, I'm not taking 'em to jail. It was just a misunderstanding."

"Oh I'm so relieved to hear that Rosco," Lulu sighed. "Why don't you come to dinner tonight little brother? I'm sure we'll be done with all of this by then."

"Dinner? I sure will Lulu, thanks," Rosco grinned. He always liked coming to his sister's for dinner, she was a much better cook than she used to be. Holstering his gun, straightened his hat and turned away from Bo and Luke, "Well, guess I'll just be on my way then." He turned back to the Dukes, "Don't you be giving Lulu any trouble or I'll run you in," he warned them.

"Don't be..." Bo started to protest the accusation.

"Let it go Bo," Luke interrupted. "He ain't worth the trouble, you know how Rosco is."

"I know," Bo sighed, "don't mean I got to like it."

"No, I guess it don't," Luke agreed. "Come on now, let's get this out of the way and we'll start unloading Ms. Lulu's new things."

"Okay." It didn't take them long to move the last piece out of the way, allowing them to move the new things inside. Following Lulu's directions, they spent the afternoon arranging the pieces the way she wanted them.

Rosco frowned as he drove back to the sheriff's office. He was still wearing the frown when he stepped into the office. Sitting down at his desk, he began on the paperwork he'd been putting off, occasionally glancing at Boss' door. Finally he made his decision, standing up he marched to the door of the commissioner's office and knocked sharply.

"Come in," JD called, his eyes never leaving the papers he was sorting through.

"Um, Boss could I talk to you?" Rosco nervously asked.

"What is it Rosco? Did you wreck your patrol car again?" he growled as he noticed the man's nervousness.

"No," Rosco sullenly replied. Why did Boss always assume he'd done something wrong?

"Let the Duke boys get away?"

"Well, not exactly. I had 'em Boss, dead to rights but then Lulu said that they weren't stealing and so I didn't have no choice but to let them go."

"Lulu? What's she got to do with this and what do you mean she said they weren't stealing?"

Rosco flinched at the harshness of Boss' tone, kicking himself for opening his mouth. Seemed like all it ever got him was trouble, he should just learn to keep things to himself. "I seen 'em over at your place, carrying furniture out. I was gonna arrest them for stealing but Lulu came out and said they weren't stealing, they were helping her."

"I see," Boss mumbled, a sly look coming onto his face. "Of course you couldn't arrest them then."

"Now Boss I just couldn't..." Rosco trailed off, giving Boss a strange look. He'd been prepared to defend himself, now it seemed he didn't need to and it made him nervous. "That's right, I couldn't."

"This gives me an idea though," JD continued."

"It does?"

"Yes it does, and you can help Rosco, that is if you think you can keep from messing it up."

"What ya want me to do Boss?" he eagerly asked, while silently railing against the insult.

"You still got that camera for collecting evidence?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Boss smiled. "Now you take that camera over to my house, but stay out of sight, and take pictures of them Dukes helping themselves to my furniture."

"But Lulu said..."

"Rosco," Boss snapped. "I know what Lulu said, but it's my furniture too ain't it?"

"Well yeah," Rosco was forced to agree.

"I didn't say they could move it out of my house, did I?"

"No," he replied, beginning to get an idea of where Boss was going with this idea.

"So you get plenty of pictures and then we'll have proof that them boys are violating their probation," Boss gleefully informed his sheriff.

"Oooo Boss, that's a good idea," Rosco chortled.

"Of course it is Rosco," JD smugly agreed. "Well what are you still doing here? Don't you have some pictures to take?"

"Right, I'll get to it now," Rosco answered, quickly leaving the room. It took him a while to find the camera, then he discovered he was out of film. He hurried to Rhuebottom's and quickly bought some new film. Leaving the store, he glanced at his watch, groaning when he saw how much time had passed. Quickly he climbed behind the wheel of his patrol car and hurried to carry out his orders, though he was afraid he would be too late. He arrived a few minutes later at Boss' house, gleefully snapping pictures of the boys as they loaded the old furniture into the van. "Oh look at that Velvet Ears," he snickered, "looks like we're just in time. Oooo, I'm gonna get them boys now," he chortled, flinching when Flash barked in disapproval. "Now darlin, I got to obey orders or I won't have a job and then I can't buy you any doggie numnums," he explained. "Oh now see I knew you'd understand," he murmured as Flash began to lick his face. "You got to get down now darlin so daddy can take more pictures."

Putting the last piece of furniture in place, the boys climbed out of the van and shut the doors. Walking back to the house, they innocently walked back in without knocking, unaware of their audience, or the pictures being taken. "Furniture's all loaded ladies," Luke announced, "anything else you need?"

"No thank you," Julia declined the offer. "What do we owe you boys?" she asked, drawing out her checkbook.

"You don't owe us anything Ms. Julia," Bo refused for them both. "We were just helping out a friend."

"Now Bo," Lulu stepped in, "you boys worked hard, you should get paid."

"Aww Ms. Lulu, you know Uncle Jesse'd tan our hides if we took money for helping out a friend." Bo protested.

Lulu frowned thoughtfully. She knew Bo was likely right, sometimes Jesse Duke had more pride than was good for a man. So how was she going to get him to see that this wasn't a simple favor, but work that deserved to be paid for? "Alright, then I insist that you boys take some of that furniture you helped haul out of here. You wouldn't insult me by refusing a gift, would you?" she sweetly asked before they could protest.

"No ma'am," Bo replied, glancing helplessly at Luke.

"Thank you Ms. Lulu, we'll do that," Luke added.

"We'll follow you boys to your place," Julia spoke up. "After you take what you like, we'll head on back to Atlanta. Lulu, we'll return in a few days with the next load," she quietly informed their client.

"That will be fine Julia," Lulu smiled. "You boys better run along now, it wouldn't do to keep these ladies waiting."

"Yes ma'am," Luke agreed. "You call us if you need anything, alright?"

"I will Luke and thank you again for all of your help."

"You're welcome Ms. Lulu," Bo smiled, before turning and following Luke out the door. "You know what Luke?" he asked as they climbed into the car.

"What's that Bo?"

"I'm sure glad Ms. Lulu ain't like Boss, Hazzard wouldn't stand a chance."

Luke chuckled, his cousin's observation was right on the money. "Got that right, that woman is downright sneaky. Let's go home Bo, and remember not to go too fast, we don't want the ladies to get lost."

"Shouldn't we just tell them we don't feel right about taking any of that furniture?"

"I don't think so Bo, it would be an insult to Ms. Lulu and we can't be asking those ladies to lie for us."

"Who said anything about that?"

"What are they going to do if Ms. Lulu ask them which pieces we took?"

"Oh," Bo sighed. "Hadn't thought of that," he admitted. "Well, we could use a new couch, the old one is about worn out," he reluctantly offered.

"That's true," Luke agreed. "I bet Daisy would like that curio shelf too," he added thoughtfully.

"It's settled then, those are the pieces we'll take."

"Sounds good to me, now let's go."

"You got it," Bo grinned as he started the General and pulled away from the curb.

TBC

Hope y'all liked it, please feed the muse with reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard or Designing Women, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: None

Rating: FRC

Bold or // indicates the balladeer

Making A Silk Purse From A Hogg's Wallet

Chapter 4

JD smiled graciously as he handed Julia a check for the redecorating of his house. To think, he'd been against this project when Lulu first proposed it. He'd been so shortsighted, thinking only of the money he would be forced to spend redecorating rooms he was perfectly happy with. Why if he had known what he would gain from it, he would have spent double the amount, well maybe not double, he quickly corrected.

"Thank you Mr. Hogg," Julia spoke politely. She still wondered what Lulu could see in this man, with his insistence on living up to his name. A commotion in the outer office drew her attention.

"Certainly my dear, you all did a wonderful job with the house." Boss frowned as he clearly heard the voices of the Duke boys protesting their innocence. Dang that idiot Rosco, couldn't he do anything right. "Actually I've been considering redecorating my office at the Boar's Nest," he said, hoping to distract her.

"The Boar's Nest?" Julia asked, still distracted by the familiar voices coming from the other side of the door.

"Dang it Rosco!" Bo snapped. "Me and Luke didn't steal that furniture and you know it."

"I know I got pictures that say you did Bo Duke," Rosco countered, a grin spreading over his face.

"What pictures?" Luke asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Pictures you dummied up you mean," Bo added.

"I did no such thing, didn't have to," Rosco gleefully informed them. "You boys take a real good picture," he chortled, grabbing the pictures from the file folder and waving them in their faces.

Bo's eyes widened when he saw the shots of them hauling the couch and curio shelf from Boss' house and then into their own. He couldn't believe it, Ms. Lulu had set them up, or maybe it was just them ladies from Atlanta that had helped set them up.

"You and Boss won't get away with this Rosco," Luke growled.

"We're not the ones going around violating probation Luke Duke. You boys done messed up good now, violating probation, grand theft, breaking and entering," Rosco giggled.

Julia opened the door of Hogg's office, her eyes widening when she saw who was in the cell.

"Proud of yourself?" Bo growled when he saw her.

"Excuse me?" Julia asked, clearly surprised by the question.

"You can drop the act Ms. Sugarbaker," he snapped.

"Now hold on Bo," Luke tried to calm his impetuous cousin before he said something he'd regret.

Bo jerked his arm free of Luke's hold, "No I ain't gonna hold on. She helped Boss set us up and you know it. How much did he pay you?"

"I assure you, Bo wasn't it?" at his nod, she continued. "I have no idea what you're referring to."

"Sure you don't," Bo scoffed. He wasn't buying it for a second, he'd seen too many people from out of town come to Hazzard, most of them working with Boss and just as crooked as he was. He wasn't sure which made him madder, the fact that him and Luke had been so neatly set up or the fact that this time Boss had involved Ms. Lulu in his scheme. Though he was sure, now that he thought of it, that Ms. Lulu had no idea what Boss was really up to.

"Bo Duke you stop harassing Ms. Sugarbaker," Boss glared. "Rosco take them downstairs where they can't bother anybody," he ordered. Dang that fool, why did he lock them in the holding cell in the first place.

"Yes Boss," Rosco quickly moved to obey. He needed to get the boys down the stairs before they could say anymore to Ms. Sugarbaker. He couldn't believe he'd messed up and brought the Duke boys back to the jail before Ms. Sugarbaker was out of the building. Boss was gonna dock his pay for sure over this, he silently whined. Well maybe if he got them out of there fast enough he could save most of his money. "Alright, you two come on out of there and don't you give me any lip."

Luke glanced at Bo, motioning for him to sit down on the cot. "I think we'll stay right here Rosco," he stubborning informed the older man.

"Now you look here Luke, I'm in charge here and I said for y'all to go downstairs. Now git," he ordered, pulling his gun and waving it in the direction of the stairs.

"What are you gonna do Rosco, shoot us if we don't?"

"I will if I have to," Rosco threatened, though truthfully he had no desire to shoot either young man.

Bo snorted, "Like to see you explain that one to a judge."

Boss fumed, dang them Dukes, they were gonna ruin his plans again. "Rosco...oh never mind, come along Ms. Sugarbaker, a fine lady like yourself shouldn't be subjected to these ruffians," he smoothly changed direction. Taking her arm, he tried to guide her towards the door, only to find the lady wouldn't budge. 

"Oh don't concern yourself with me Mr. Hogg, I'm perfectly capable of conversing with these young men. Frankly," she continued, pulling her arm free and stepping towards the cell. "I'd like to know what Bo is referring to when he says I helped set him and his cousin up."

"You didn't know anything about it, did you?" Luke asked with certainty.

"I assure you Luke I have no idea what your cousin is talking about."

"You don't need to concern yourself Ms. Sugarbaker," Boss tried again. "These boys are always in trouble with the law, have been since the day they were born. I assure you they're only saying whatever they can think of to escape punishment."

"Really?" Julia asked, her body language clearly showing her doubts. "How do you suppose accusing me, a virtual stranger, of setting them up, would aide them in escaping punishment?"

"Um, well..."

"You remember that day we helped moved the furniture?" Luke asked.

"Of course."

"Well seems Rosco was taking pictures of it, only he made sure that me and Bo were the only ones in the shots. Makes it look like we were stealing that furniture. Which means not only do we go to prison for that, we also go to prison for violating our probation."

"You're not serious?" Julia asked. She was well and truly shocked! She knew these small towns were often rampant with corruption, but she could hardly believe anybody would go to these extremes. "What could they hope to gain?"

"They get us sent to prison and they get two things that Boss has been wanting for as long as I can remember," Luke replied. "He gets me and Bo out of the way of his schemes."

"His schemes?" Julia asked.

"Yeah, his schemes," Bo replied. "He's always involved in dirty deals of some kind, me and Luke have stopped a lot of them."

"That's right," Luke confirmed Bo's words. "Plus, if we're in prison then Uncle Jesse and Daisy would have a harder time keeping up the mortgage payments. Which means Boss gets the Duke farm, the other thing he's been after for years."

"Is this true Mr. Hogg?" Julia coldly questioned.

"Of course not, they're just trying to..."

"Then what are these?" she interrupted as she moved to the desk and picked up the pictures. "Sheriff, are you in fact charging these young men with stealing this furniture?"

"Um, well, yes ma'am," Rosco stuttered.

"I see." Thoughtfully Julia glanced through the pictures. "You realize Mr. Hogg that if you do this my associates and I will be testifying in behalf of these men?"

"You can't do that," Boss quickly protested.

Julia arched an eyebrow at him, "Really, and why is that?"

"Because you can only testify if the prosecutor or defense calls you as a witness."

"You don't believe their attorney would call us as witnesses?"

"Oh I'm sure he will, if he thinks of it," Boss quickly corrected. He had realized the moment the words left his mouth that they'd been a mistake. There was no telling what this woman would do if she thought the attorney for the Dukes wasn't doing his job. He needed to get her out of here before she started asking more questions. No reason for her to know that he would be the one to appoint their attorney or that the man would do exactly as he was told, but not by the Dukes. "You go on back to Atlanta my dear, I'm sure you'll be contacted when your testimony is needed."

"Actually Mr. Hogg, I have a better idea," Julia smiled.

"A better idea?" Boss asked nervously.

"Yes," she confirmed as she picked up the phone. "You don't mind if I use your phone, do you sheriff?"

"Um, no I guess," Rosco began, stopping when he caught the glare from Boss. "No ma'am, you can't use that phone, it's for official business only."

Julia sighed, so that's how they wanted to play it. "Very well, I'm sure Lulu won't mind letting me use her phone."

"Well now, hold on Ms. Sugarbaker," Boss quickly stopped her. "I suppose we could make an exception, you're welcome to use our phone here." He had a feeling he didn't want her to make this call, but if he couldn't stop her, he could at least keep her away from Lulu. "Who is it you're calling, if I may ask?"

"You may," Julia replied as she picked up the phone. Dialing it, she waited for the ringing phone to be answered. "Hello Lydia, this is Julia Sugarbaker, is Reese in? Thank you, I'll hold," she replied when told Reese was on a conference call and it might be a little while.

Rosco sidled up beside Boss, "Boss, who is Reese?" he whispered.

"How should I know?" Boss snapped.

Julia smiled at the boys, winking at them before turning back to Hogg. "Reese Watson, he's an attorney in Atlanta, perhaps you've heard of him," she responded to Rosco's question, though she was clearly addressing Boss.

"Reese Watson?" Boss asked, paling. He had heard of him, "Why would you be calling him?"

"Why to represent the boys of course," she calmly replied.

Bo opened his mouth to point out that they couldn't afford an Atlanta lawyer. Luke stopped him with a tug on his arm and a shake of his head.

Boss laughed, "The Dukes are poor as church mice, they couldn't afford to park at Reese Watson's office let alone hire him."

"They won't need to worry about that, Reese has a finely tuned sense of justice. He becomes quite irate when he sees a gross miscarriage of justice such as this, he'll be more than happy to donate his services."

"Well it won't do them any good," Rosco jumped in. "The evidence is too good, he can't do anything about that."

"You mean the evidence you manufactured? The evidence that my associates and I will gladly testify about, as will Mrs. Hogg I'm sure."

Boss quickly came to a decision. It wasn't as though this were the first plan he'd had fail, he'd find another way to get them Dukes out of his hair. "That won't be necessary, I'm dropping all the charges."

Julia smiled, "Oh it will be that long?" she asked Lydia as she came back on the line. "No that's alright Lydia, I'll call him later tonight. Thank you," she murmured, dropping the receiver back into its cradle.

"Boss are you sure?" Rosco asked, clearly surprised.

"Yes I'm sure," Boss growled.

"I'd like the pictures you took and any negatives," Julia demanded.

"Now you hold on, that's evidence I can't just..."

"Give her the pictures and negatives Rosco," Boss interrupted.

Grumbling the whole time, Rosco grabbed the folder and handed the requested items to Julia.

"Thank you," she smiled, taking the pictures from him. "Shall we boys?" she asked as the Dukes stepped out of the cell.

"See ya later Boss, Rosco," Bo smirked as he took Julia's arm.

"Tell Lulu we appreciate the invite to come to the open house she's hosting, we'll be sure to be there," Luke added. Grinning, he knew Boss wasn't going to like that, he was sure glad the invitation had come before Rosco arrested them. Opening the door for Julia and Bo, he followed them out of the jail.

Boss groaned, an open house and the Dukes would be there.

"An open house, oh that'll be nice..."

Boss growled, taking off his hat and beginning to beat Rosco with it. "Rosco you dipstick, can't you do anything right? I told you not to bring them back until after that woman left town. You know what this means? Now I'm gonna have to make small talk with them Dukes and be polite to them, this is all your fault."

**//If he thinks that's bad, he's really gonna hate it when he finds out Lulu is opening her own decorating business and Daisy's gonna be her partner. Wonder how he'll blame that one on Rosco?//**

The End

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